okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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