It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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