hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
