Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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