what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
