He disabled his match.com account in front of me
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize