kristin has been a bad kristin
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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