the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
