At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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