my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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