finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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