What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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