living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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