I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
