dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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