I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
