I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
