2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
