Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
