I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
