the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
