Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
