absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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