Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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