Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
