Umm I'm too high to move.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
