im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
