Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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