No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
