I have demons in me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
