How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
