your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
