Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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