if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
