i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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