My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
