The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
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My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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