My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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