not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
