i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
