felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
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He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
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The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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