I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
