I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
