i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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