I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
