okay pat passed out under dana's car
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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