No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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