I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
