Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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