The maid of honor just puked.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just invented taco cereal.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
