I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
