i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
