If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
