It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
