I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
