What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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