There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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