hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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