She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
