The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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