Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
