Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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