I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
