I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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