So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
