let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I could make wine with my vomit
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize