He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
