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1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
