I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
