I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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