The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
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