You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
