Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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