the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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