My room smells like vodka and shame
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
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