totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
