Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
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I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?