So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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