He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
