just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"