Texts From Last Night

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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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  (603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station. (1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS. http://tfl.nu/opvz
  Replies (24) Good night (7194) Bad night (910)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.

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  (334): I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet. http://tfl.nu/qfk7
  Replies (47) Good night (1139) Bad night (4507)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.

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  (248): new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home. http://tfl.nu/dmz8
  Replies (49) Good night (5341) Bad night (2215)
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  (714): View more from California

  turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker

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  (714): turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker http://tfl.nu/o91j
  Replies (14) Good night (9406) Bad night (1449)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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  (847): Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out. http://tfl.nu/8l4x
  Replies (19) Good night (4562) Bad night (1332)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.

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  (724): i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud. http://tfl.nu/ruob
  Replies (32) Good night (7107) Bad night (980)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.

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  (678): Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it. http://tfl.nu/0dlq
  Replies (27) Good night (4949) Bad night (1598)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.

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  (609): please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future. http://tfl.nu/vzzo
  Replies (7) Good night (2685) Bad night (638)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?

  (613): View more from Ontario

  you're kidding right?

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  (416): Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow? (613): you're kidding right? http://tfl.nu/5c4n
  Replies (9) Good night (2766) Bad night (556)
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  (909): View more from California

  I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.

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  (909): I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats. http://tfl.nu/jzu3
  Replies (10) Good night (777) Bad night (1178)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH

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  (859): I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH http://tfl.nu/ebr6
  Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (529)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?

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  (240): the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!? http://tfl.nu/muuy
  Replies (14) Good night (526) Bad night (1155)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.

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  (520): This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina. http://tfl.nu/8kic
  Replies (9) Good night (874) Bad night (325)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed

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  (312): There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed http://tfl.nu/ohal
  Replies (0) Good night (433) Bad night (715)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

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  (330): easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL http://tfl.nu/8uqk
  Replies (4) Good night (778) Bad night (306)

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