I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.