peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
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It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
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Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...