The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.