I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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