Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana