How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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