peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
