Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I could fuck to npr.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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