Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i think i have two assholes
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
