i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
