I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm too high and old for this...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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