Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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