Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize