I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
